No matter what? My husband has a new favorite song right now; it's by Kerrie Roberts and it's called No Matter What. The song has spoken so deeply to him while he is going through a tough season of life!

I’m running back to your promises one more time, Lord that’s all I can hold on to, I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you. Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands, and even though I, keep asking why, I keep asking why,

No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.

When I’m stuck in this nothing-ness by myself, I’m just sitting in silence, there’s no way I can make it without Your help, I wont even try it. I know You have Your reasons for everything, so I will keep believing, whatever I might be feeling, God you are my hope, and you'll be my strength,

No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.

Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s ok if You don’t, I’m not here for those things, the touch of Your love is enough on its own, no matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You

No matter what I’m gonna love you, no matter what I’m gonna need you, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what no matter what no matter no matter what

What a thought, do we love Him no matter what? I want to, I need to,so my prayer today and tomorrow and the next day will be that I trust Him no matter what! Be encouraged that He is in control and nothing happens by surprise, so lean on Him fully because we are His! Praise God!

Well it's been a long time since I have been able to post and I am glad to know that I will be able to now! It's winter time and we just added a new puppy to our family at Christmas, so early morning post might be the way to do this! So much has been happening in the last year and I see God's hand working daily!

Yesterday in Sunday School, Tony taught the story of Elijah's dealings with the false prophets on Mt. Carmel. In this story which is so rich for us to look at centuries later, we see ourselves in Elijah; one day full of zealous ambition and the next day running for our lives. But the thing I took away at the end of the lesson is the two vivid pictures of God in this account.

Elijah had asked the Lord to make Himself known and great to these false prophets, so that all would know who the One True God is and with supernatural power God did just that! Nothing less than what we would expect of Him in the Old Testament. We see Him as the transcendent God that He is! But the next picture of Him that we notice is the personal God that He is; when at his lowest Elijah needed this transcendent God, his own God, our Father showed up in a gentle way, revealing Himself to Elijah in comfort and peace. I love that about our God! How do I see Him today? Do I expect that He can answer in the powerful way He did at Mt. Carmel? Do I know His gentle love toward me in my despair? I know that I want to know Him in both of these ways and I want to know Him in so many more ways!

Lord help me to know You today, throughtout my day, may I respond in a way that says that I recognize You're with me! For the sake of the kingdom!

My Utmost for His Highest

In my devotion I read this morning by Oswald Chamber, once again I moved by the depth of this man. He causes me to delve internally and ask myself some pretty important things, like is it really all that bad? Listen to what he said today;

What does it matter if external circumstances are hard? Why should they not be! (That in and of itself is a pretty important question.) If we give way to self-pity and indulge in the luxury of misery, we banish God's riches from our own lives and hinder others from entering into His provision....When God is beginning to be satisfied with us He will impoverish everything in the nature of fictitious wealth, until we learn that all our fresh springs are in Him. If the majesty and grace and power of God are not being manifested in us....God holds us responsible. "God is able to make all grace abound;" then learn to lavish the grace of God on others.

Here is the thing I hear, it's not about my happiness, my comfort, my ease that Christ died, it's about Him doing through us what His sovereignty chooses and us loving others the way this sovereign Lord has loved us! Think about it!

What's your perspective?

I am in New Orleans on a job this week and admidst our work today my boss and I were discussing "perspective", he said concerning a matter, "it is all in your perspective". This lead to a conversation that really has me thinking and thinking and thinking, especially the use of the phrase, "it is all in your perspective". Is that true, I mean from a biblical standpoint concerning the matters of life, it almost sounds like some kind of excuse doesn't it?

Now I realize that you're probably saying, "well it depends on in what context you are using the word". Yes that is true. Let me give you the definition of the word perspective: noun- frame of reference, the state of one's ideas of the facts known to one, and the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship. Doesn't that sound all to philisophical? A couple of synonyms for perspective are; context and sight. Now this is the way my mind works, I say, ok sounds deep now what does that mean to me? As my boss and I were talking this through we agreed that everyone has a perspective and most the time it is based on your life experientially. I guess the red flag that I thought about was, "but what about truth, life cannot be based on just experience alone", if it is seems like that might cause choas when trying to make decisions, big life decisions!

How about this, what if I don't think anybody loves me, here I am in New Orleans and nobody from my family calls me today or for that matter anytime this week while I am here, if I just base that on "seeing all the relevant data" I guess after a week, I could be feeling kinda low! This is the point where my foundation is very important, the foundation that I've been building for the last 25 years of love, concern and care in our family. I totally rely on that foundation, not necessarily my perspective at that moment.

We also decided definately that one's perspective changes over the years. I don't see things the way I used to that is for sure. Now look at the word context, it is a synonym for perspective. If I look at my life in context, I can see that just because my family didn't call me doesn't mean they don't love me. There probably was a time due to immaturity and a poor grasp of truth that I might have thought that. If I base important life decisions, moral and otherwise on truth, in context, now there is a foundation upon which all perspective can rest firmly.

I haven't thought this through much more than that, but it's interesting isn't it? I would love to hear what any of you think, (other than, "she needs a life"). So ponder on that for a moment and lets talk!

I wanted to just quickly say something about what happened at our church last night; Dennis Jernigan was there and lead in worship for the services and God ministered to me as well as so many others, so I wanted to share my thoughts! If you don't know Dennis' testimony, it would be good for you to look at his website, because the power of God is moving through this man's life bringing glory to the Father! During the service he was asking people to stand if they were struggling in different areas of life, you know the normal ones, such as grief over the lost of a loved one, or lost of a certain relationship, but I couldn't believe he asked if you are grieving over the lost of a vision or a dream stand so we can pray over you! I immediately stood as if called out specifically by name. That's what is happening to me, I am grieving the lost of a vision and a dream, and I am fighting my way through it, seeking the deliverance of God from my sorrow! My thought is; is it sorrow, or self pity?

I know that nothing happens by chance, God's hand is in every area of my life, growing me to be who He created me to be. Sometimes though leaving behind what is good and comforting is like slowly dying, or it seems. I understand how people get to a place in life when you are so concentrated on yourself that depression sets in. To put this altogether, I have to tell you that when my mother in law recently died I was comforting the family with the fact that life and death are apart of our earthly existence, so it comes as no surprise when a loved one dies. Now God is reminding me that the same is true within our living existence, changes happen, death of dreams happen and life goes on! I think I am sounding a bit morbid here huh? But the things in our journey that occur are not always uplifting at the moment, as a matter of fact these are the times when if responding correctly to the sovereignty of God you turn full faced to the Father seeking Him more completely to be your all in all! So that was the encouragement for me last night, to grieve the loss of a dream and move on, not holding to tightly to anything! Hear the words of my anthem again; "On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand"! Turn toward Him and be encouraged today and think about it....

"On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand." That song has got to be my anthem right now, it seems like everywhere I go I hear that song, or even have to sing it myself! I have heard and sang that song for the last 37 years and never has it pierced my heart like it does right now. ( I'm 43 if you're wondering, but I pretty much don't have any recollection before the age of 6, tell you the honest truth, I don't have much recollection before the age of 43! haha) Do you hear the words, let me show them to you, don't sing them, because you will check out mentally, just read them:


My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness; I dare not trust the sweetest frame,but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
When darkness veils His lovely face,I rest on His unchanging grace;In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood support me in the whelming flood; when all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.
When He shall come with trumpet sound,Oh, may I then in Him be found; dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;All other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.

God is still teaching me the message of this classic hymn that I learned as a small child. My hope is on NOTHING else but Jesus' blood and Jesus' righteousness! I will one day stand before a perfect, sovereign, holy God and nothing else will matter, nothing else will be said that has any importance but "My hope has always been on Jesus' blood!" You know, I have come to realize what depravity means, I see in myself what it looks like, so how my souls swells with praise for the payment made by my Savior! Continue to look at the words; "when all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay". Really Paula? Is He, when everything that is comforting, that is the who of who I am gives way am I your I AM!? Wow, typing that quickens my heart, can you say those words without your heart being quicken also? Keep looking if you will; Dressed in HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS ALONE, faultless to stand before the throne." Faultless? Surely not, but the Truth is I am in Him! It absolutely spurs me on to live out His name that covers me. Then listen to the refrain again, this time sing it out loud, "On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand" Wow He is the Rock that is UNSINKABLE! Think about it......

The pride of life...

There is the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life. ( 1 John 2:16) My pastor in his sermon last Sunday mentioned this verse, and then ask us which one did we struggle with? I have thought about that all week, and my heart was definately convicted about the pride of life! The pride of life involves self-sufficiency. There has been a time in my life as recently as a couple of years ago that my self-suffiency and my accomplishments all of a sudden looked like they nothing! Everything that I based my life upon being good at, such as being a wife and mother seem to be fleeting. That sounds a bit odd because my marriage is still healthy and intact, I am still a mother guiding and rearing my children, so what is it that seemed fleeting? It was the bases of my identity.

I was reading a commentary about the 1 John passage and it said, " either we can trust in ourselves and our accomplishments or we can derive our values, assurance and life from God." Thus self suffiency = worldliness. He went on to say something really profound to me, "People who live their life like this are dedicating it to things that are short lived" Wait a minute, being a wife and mother is not something that is short lived! Yes that's right, but when you base your identity on those accomplishments and not on your Savior you will get burned! Why? Because life is about change, your children grow up and leave, your relationship with your husband changes and everything you thought you were a pro at is jerked out from underneath you. In my life the climax of the lesson came in this set of circumstances: my husband's job changed, he was gone the majority of the week and finishing his degree when he was home he had to concentrate on homework. This was a difficult time for him also, he by no means enjoyed being away from his family. But for me my role in caring for him had to change and I didn't like it at all! My children were all at different stages, I had one in college away from home and after having homeschooled my children for ten years and loving it, the other two were put in public school each for different reasons. Now that same year I turned 40 and it was like a pie in the face of everything I had accomplished. I now know that God was taking me through repenting of making my family my idol and lovingly helping me understand that even though life changes, He will never and my identity as His child is a constant!

So I struggle still today with the pride of life, because like many of us we self-exalt and that will lead to self destruction. My heart is so moved now, by all that I know that God has given me to do in this life, including my precious role as wife and mother, but I now cling to my relationship with the Eternal One more than my relationship with those here below. I hope you understand my heart on this one and I hope you think about it...